Random Crack
by J.E.McCormickGal
Summary: Just for any little random one-offs I write, so that they don't end up all over the place. Second chapter: Dagory? Pairings may include Twamien, Crenny, Christeek, and other random things I don't usually write.
1. I Can Win Any Guy Over

**I Can Win Any Guy Over**

_A/N: This is OLD shit XD_

_I've decided this will be the place for any random little things I write for pairings etc I don't usually write for. Like Crenny, because I don't usually read Crenny. I just don't :P So anyway, enjoy. Note: my story 'Are You Okay Damien?' which was obviously a crack-pairing-oneshot, will be moved here eventually. Sometime. Whenever XD_

_Warnings: Swearing._

_Disclaimer: I don't own this program, or its characters! I own a guinea pig called Disco, and I decided his middle name was Stripes hehe ^^_

=X=

"Hey Craig!"

Craig turned when his name was called. Kenny McCormick was walking joyfully over, a skip in his step. Everyone knew that walk – it meant Kenny was on a mission, and Craig was desperately hoping it wouldn't involve him.

"So, bestest buddy of mine..." Kenny plonked himself next to Craig. "What you up to?"

"Sitting on a park bench, smoking. What does it look like, fucktard." The noirette rolled his eyes. Kenny giggled and scooted closer. Craig frowned, and moved over. Kenny followed him.

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I can't sit next to my bestest buddy?" Kenny made a puppy-dog face, eyes wide and sad. Craig turned his own eyes away quickly. What the girls said was true – Kenny's eyes had the power to overcome even the straightest of guys. And Craig wasn't exactly straight as straight.

"Since when were we bestest buddies anyway McCormick?" he huffed, taking a drag of his cigarette in what he hoped was a casual fashion.

"Well, _Tucker_, I haven't seen you in a while. Being dead and all." The blonde avoided the question, turning the subject to something else.

"Yeah well, be more careful." Craig retorted shortly.

"N'aw, does the big, bad Craig possibly CARE about me?" Kenny teased Craig, batting the pom-pom on his hat and smiling. Again, Kenny scooted up to Craig.

"Okay, that is getting seriously annoying." The raven haired boy shoved the other boy away roughly. Kenny just sprung back up, like he always did.

"Craig you are such a killjoy." The cheeky blonde laughed, before sitting forcefully down beside him. Craig had just tossed his cigarette away when Kenny shoved him off the end of the bench, then kneeled over him.

"McCormick, let me up or I swear I will..." Craig's threat was cut off by a pair of lips. He lay, paralyzed with shock, before Kenny stood up and walked away, waving.

"That's five bucks you owe me. Told you I could win any guy over." He called over his shoulder.

"You are such a whore McCormick!" Craig yelled from the ground.

"See you tomorrow. That's when the real fun begins." Kenny winked, and disappeared.

"Goddamn you McCormick." Craig muttered, before lying back down on the ground.

He raised a hand to his lips, and again cursed the handsome blonde who had, for sure, won his heart over.

=X=

_A/N: Words: 394_

_Well this was the randomest of randomosities. I just... saw a YouTube vid with a Crenny picture in it, I believe it was Craig about to take Stripe out of his cage, Kenny holding onto his waist, and Craig looked rather pissed off. I thought their relationship would be Kenny teasing and Craig getting generally pissed at him, and... yeah, I'll shush now._


	2. You Remind Me Of Him

**You Remind Me Of Him...**

I've bunked another class to stand behind the school and smoke. Luckily the teachers are too scared of me to object to it. I was sitting in... English, I think. Then I just stood up, picked up my backs and walked off. The teacher looked scared shitless. She's one of the younger, not-so-stern ones, though for some reason the class never descends into uncontrollable chaos...

"You're smoking like it's going out of fashion." I perk as a voice interrupts my rather odd train of thought. I turn my head, and see Gregory, the tall, blonde British boy who's always dressed smartly with his hair combed back.

I huff in response and go back to my cigarette.

"You're the only person I've ever known who smokes more than Christophe." He continues, coming to stand in the little alcove I've come to hide in. I stay silent and he tilts his head for a second. "What's up?"

"What do you mean?" I growl, glaring up at him.

"There's something bothering you. That's why you ditched class, that's why you're smoking so much, and why you are glaring at me so viciously."

"What the fuck do you care?" I snap. He just raises an eyebrow.

He acts so cool and collected. He doesn't seem a bit scared. I don't know many people who aren't at all scared of me.

"So, Damien, what's going through your head at the moment?" he says casually, seeming to avoid the previous topic.

Despite the fact that his voice is wrong in pitch, he has the _exact same accent._

"Your accent." I blurt out without truly thinking about it. Shit, now I'm heating up. "I... I don't know... I like it, I guess. Reminds me of..." I pause. "...of simpler times."

"Got a thing for British accents?" he chuckles. I heat up more.

"Not like that! Well..." I cough awkwardly. "It remind me of my uh... parents. Simpler times, like I said."

"Before the whole 'you're the Antichrist, you're the son of the devil, evil, blah, blah' you mean?" he questions, smirking slightly.

"Yeah. Back when I was sort of a normal kid."

"Sort of?"

"Well, I'm a Thorn, aren't I? Rich family and such. Not to mention lots of weird things happened around me."

"Hmm, I get what you mean about the 'rich family." He nods. "That's not who you thought of first though, was it?"

I don't answer.

"I can tell; you weren't all that close to your parents. They weren't even your real parents. It's someone closer to you. Am I right?"

"...You have the same accent as someone I was close to, yes." I reply after a pause. "You remind me of him a lot."

"You've lost him." He states it like a fact, but quietly, almost... respectfully.

I flinch.

"What makes you think that?" I ask, dangerously quiet.

"I know that look, in your eyes." My eyes flicker up to stare at him, and he's looking away from me, and his face is sombre and serious. "I've seen it too many times in my own."

I study him for a minute. Gregory is notoriously known for being opinionated, smart, and a gentleman. Girls fawn over him, and a lot of boys envy him. Those that don't, usually either don't care or respect him. Despite the fact that, if in a crowd, he's happy to talk with them, he's usually solitary. Or, lately at least. I remember seeing him hang around with someone else before.

A painful remembrance flutters through my head and I flinch again. His eyes snap up to look at me, and he stares for a moment.

"Not to mention I know who you're talking about."

My eyes fly wide open and snap instantly to his face. He gives me an odd, sad smile.

"He was a good friend to me, you know. Don't worry, he never told me about you two, but I guessed. He really adored you with all his heart and soul."

For some reason I can feel the blood rush to my face again, even though I'm angry.

"His fucking soul... too pure. Not even I tainted him." I hissed. I take a moment to calm myself down then throw my cigarette butt onto the floor, stamping it out. "Why the fuck am I even talking to you about this? I don't need you or your help. Fuck off you stupid wanker, go play psychiatrist with someone else. Preferably that twitchy kid, he needs it."

There's a moment of silence, and when I glance up he's still there, and now he's glaring at me. I think he's the only person I've ever met who has a glare that actually makes me feel uncomfortable. It's rather threatening, knowing you aren't the threatening one.

"Don't make me pull out my cross on you." He mutters.

"It'll just give me a headache. Which I already have, thanks to your yapping on and on."

"I thought you liked my voice?" he has a self contented smirk when he sees me shift uncomfortably.

"Your voice and your accent are two entirely different things." I say. "And it doesn't change the fact that you've given me a headache. Now why are you still here?"

"I'll give you more than a headache if you don't shut up for a minute." He growls, his hand going up to a spot of his chest where I guess he has his precious cross hanging. Despite the fact that I know that a cross-on-a-chain won't do shit to me, I do get the feeling that by 'more than a headache' he doesn't mean a clip up the head or the maternal 'you-won't-be-able-to-sit-for-a-week' sort of thing. I think I'm going to back down this once. I don't feel in the mood for fighting anyway.

"Fine." I grumble. He sighs.

"Listen, I get what's up. I know how you feel. I have already said, I have also lost someone close to me. I would have been glad of company from someone, who understood, and talking to you... I feel more useful if I can help someone. Also, you remind me of Christophe a lot; only this time you are lacking the accent. But you smell of smoke, like he did. You're the same type of person; silent with tough exterior, and I'm guessing you have the same habit of slagging off God."

"Well that all-glorious bastard isn't exactly my favourite fucking person is he? He's made my life a fucking misery."

"See? You sound like him. He'd always be going off on rants about 'Ze beetch een ze sky' and I always found it... endearing." Gregory was smiling at me again. "Just as I remind you of your lost person, you remind me of mine."

"Pip was rather more upbeat than you are." I muttered. "But you are quite similar to him. For one thing, you aren't scared of me, are you?"

"Not particularly."

"Hmph. But... I could talk to Pip."

"So talk to me." Gregory took a step closer to me. "We're going through the same thing, Damien, and we'll get through it much better together. It's not a coincidence I found you here."

"If you say anything about divine intervention..."

"Nothing of the sort." Gregory chuckled. "But it's uncanny that we're so like each other's other half. That we are the exact thing the other needs."

"...We could try, I guess." I nodded. He was a lot like Pip and he was right; I needed someone who understood, who also knew that despite anything that might happen, I would always belong to someone else.

"Good." He smiled, and stepped back again to lean back against the wall. He watched as I took out my packet of cigarettes. "Lend me one of those?"

"Didn't think you'd be the type to smoke." I teased.

"I guess the habit rubbed off on me." He said, rolling his eyes. I chuckled lowly and passed him one. He started searching for a lighter.

"Here..." I walked up to him, placed my finger to the tip of the cigarette and lit it. For a minute our eyes locked, before I realized the closeness of our proximity and the possible intimacy of my gesture. I flushed hot again, and leant back against my wall again. He stood alone for a minute, before he stood and walked over, placing himself by my side so that my arm would now fall over his shoulder. I let it, and he leant into me, sighing. It felt weirdly right; not the same right that I used to feel with Pip, but some sort of right.

You know, this might just work out...

=X=

_A/N: HOORAY FOR CRACK 8D_

_Auuugh, this fails~_

_I don't know really where this came from, I had the idea for the cigarette scene at the end and the 'you're smoking like it's going out of fashion' scene bit and the accent comment, and for some reason Damien appears to be the uke for most of this situation, but for some reason I like it? I think in Dagory (my name for this Damien/Gregory business) it would be awesome for Damien to be the uke and Gregory the seme. But I'm so not used to writing Damien uke I failed xD_

_Random inspiration is random. This might not make sense. I don't know. Where did I pull this pairing from? Perhaps because I want to write a Chip fic, and Damien and Gregory would be left over. Similarly, I want to write Christien (Christophe/Damien) and would therefore get Pegory (Pip/Gregory) and because I've written a Twamien oneshot, and I have another stored somewhere, I want some form of Crip (Craig/Pip). I don't know xD_

_I was also seeing as a sort-of manga style type thing in my head, but I obviously can't draw it so I wrote it. I might attempt to draw it a little when I get a bit better._

_Hope you like it, it's now 1:15am and I want to sleep. Goodnight._


End file.
